THEOFF SKY: Now we climb as if the castle was just over that ridge, which should be barren of any savage beasts!

SNIVEL: Should be a genius plan, then, sire.

THEOFF SKY: Of course it's genius, silly knave! Off with your head!

SNIVEL: My liege, you made a law yesterday that said you were done executing people and anyone caught executing would they themselves be executed.

THEOFF SKY: Well that was stupid!

SNIVEL: Yet fortunate for me, eh?

Everybody prefers an execution of another over themselves!

SNIVEL: It stands to reason, and your favorable ratings are through the roof, oh divine One! The people Love you more for not killing them!

THEOFF SKY: Splendid! Give them cake and ice cream to eat! They'll be so overjoyed that they'll forget all about war, starvation, corruption and truth! Enough rope to hang themselves...

SNIVEL: Yes, oh mighty king, you are the fairest in all of the land!

I need to look better than I am, remember?

SNIVEL: How could we, your lowly subjects, ever forget, oh immense one?

THEOFF SKY: I like the reflection of my sword, I can see my big muscles in it!

SNIVEL: one certainly can't miss them, sire.

THEOFF SKY: I am glorious! But, alas, all of the slaves do not gaze upon me as I do?

SNIVEL: Don't fret, King Theoff, every slave will kiss the ground you walk upon that you own every inch of!

THEOFF SKY: How many inches of kingdom do I have now?

SNIVEL: You lost the Island of Little Trees, but you sacked the Isle of Sand and then massacred the whole on the Isle of Mountains, you married Queen Frack who promised you your own kingdom if you would but satisfy her quivering soil from time to time.

THEOFF SKY: Oh! Go frack yourself, you snivelling toad! How many inches is my kingdom?

SNIVEL: Trust me, oh grand one, you have more inches than all other land conquering mammals put together.

THEOFF SKY: How many!

SNIVEL: 627,264,000 inches squared per 100 acres...
If my calculations are correct, which I doubt, but, in the off chance that it indeed adds up, oh handsomest King, here is my honest answer---
100in squared, times 999,999 acres, equals 99, 999, 900 squared inches!

(The sound of a tightening rope can be heard above the weeping class...)

Stay tuned for scenes from next week's mind-blowing episode where King Theoff loses 6272640 inches squared...

~Mark Richard Prime

© 2017 Mark Richard Prime


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