I Was Not a Good Man

If I must run crazy over the bridge I'm thinking of burning down, I should run with "fierceness" instead of fear. I believe that fear has no place in love, and neither do the tools of fear, grudges, regret, indifference, violence, and pity. Peace, love and goodness are the three things that keep all of the inner-bridges I have constructed from collapsing from the weight of my fears and destruction. The three things that I recently have flown, peace, love and goodness, are what have kept me from being utterly alone.

~

Let me try my dance with my constraints wrapped tightly to my fears.

My belief isn't my human mind gone haywire from a futile death, it is love, and that is all my belief has to offer. I am most sorry, but faith in this past reality was but mine, or mine own to repeat and suffer each and every time that I imagined I had devised an escape from its truth. No more...

Hell is what I've constructed upon the earth, the heavenly earth, however, is fed, clothed, nourished, loved and eternally home, safe and sound.

So love, Mark Richard Prime, love…

~

My dog and I are talking.

(Silence.)

My dog and I are talking.

(Sound.)

My dog and I are talking in the same language when I pray with a loyal love.

(Silence.)

I believe I keep returning to erect the bridges that I keep burning down so that I may avoid the pain I keep amassing which have kept me blind to love, lifetime after lifetime, until the moment arrived and love decided I was far enough along in my heart's evolution to elevate me to the next level. (Please forgive my intrusion, but I myself can’t flee this conclusion, I'm choosing to stay because I believe in love's revolution…)

It’s where I’m supposed to be. I believe that the earth found favor in my plea, in my prayer, with my belief in love. I asked who I was and imagined the next one was the answer, so I ran with it.

~

My mother and father are what first brought me into existence upon the earth. I should have begged them to come around and bring me out of the bondage of my memories of a tragically wasted use. (I’ll never contain as much love as they, or the earth for that matter, how could I?) Yet I must love, it is what I’m supposed to do, not what I believed or imagined or conjured, but what I'm meant to do.

Listen for the answer from the earth. Listen with nothing but full Love and the answer shall echo in kind. Pray that the earth is heaven, love…

~

I am ready to enter into this event.

~

Allow love to heal your blindness, and you will see that you are equal in the eyes of love, you are a child of the earth.

Love, for humankind, is the oldest running tragedy ever on this grand stage and humankind are the authors, directors and actors in their fictional and tragic drama.

The oldest tragedy? 

Yes.

Yes.

I suffered from the inability to be happy where I was, to simply love without regard to my singular self, but love with regard to the whole of the earth. I must return the earth to itself again through love. I must be unafraid and breathe in comfort and joy and clean air and laughter and worship and replenish the soil and prayer and thrive without corruption entering in long enough to learn the earth's lessons.

I must be in belief of the earth beneath my feet even if I begin to bray out loud that I know something that I couldn't possibly know without searching for the truth inside me. I've brayed about how smart I was to only find I've been home all along and was nearly left behind. Where I am today is more important than where I imagine I will end up after I pass away.

Heed the earth's plea, Mark Richard Prime. If the eartH only begs that you sit and listen to her in nature, then by all means, sit down and listen. Gaze upon her and listen and ponder silently of the amazing ride, bring your hands down into her once fertile soil, (dead soil and water spell doom for animal). Touch her ground with affection and listen to her call. Listen. Love. Listen. Love. Listen. Love. Listen.

For me there is no such thing as eternal suffering, only the slow lifting of the veil as I come to from out of the mist that left her spirit (Tina) for me to carry. She’s been trying to get out ever since. I’m surrounded by the thing I am, a long haul toward forgiveness from the spirits of the many I've harmed, my hand extends to each of you, for love is all I've left. I can heal the sick in spirit. I can heal myself from me to find my self waiting with love's breath beneath my feet.

~

I was not a good man. I squandered love. I took far more than I gave and for that I am most sorry. I’m sorry to all for my misguided rage and lackluster love.

~

Your fear's created a riddle that you alone had to answer and, in doing so, you chose your own fate. 

Yes.

My wife and I have chosen love, above all else. She saved me from me and allowed me time to find my singular self that I might learn of love, and she loved me as she waited. She is my queen, my salvation, my eternity, my heaven, my love.

I danced with all the spirits I encountered, I had to, I had it coming. I deserved it.

© 2012 by mark richard prime