I Do Not Know... I Believe...

I do not know. I believe.

I don’t know. I am but a man. I’ve done little to dissuade the talon’s in my own hands, save for screaming and crying out loud! Save for my most despicable sin; abandonment of belief, of child, of true Love, of truth.

But this is not about me. It is about that which sustains me without my asking as the crimson fireball of my collective desire is imminent.

I do not know. I believe.

O! What a thing am I and my dreams of control! Escalating rage and suspicion strutting about the span, taking their place in the conclusion of the unknowable.

I do not know. I believe.

Why copy what another thinks because I just can’t be?

I do not know. I believe.

My kind's gutless that way, emptied of any feast for truth, beholden to that which cannot be taken back, which cannot tote sustenance to a child’s lips.

I didn’t dream this! It is real!

It is the spirit’s will! It is ready!

It is red with Love, green with life and the last white-hot hurrah!

I must prepare myself to be mesmerized by my own hand’s affections and for doubt to emerge with fear and deception. Do not pray a sideways word, but instead, wrestle them down with love and affection.

I must steady my limbs to walk up the mountain of snakes, among those who have not yet understood where they’ve been; lifetimes of suffering as I can’t seem to grasp the sepulcher of man!

The grip of love loosened without my knowledge or consent, a devious machination, an outpouring of cruelty and conceit!

I'm not in an interim space. I need reflect on my own love, think of where I truly am…

A holding pattern? For what! I needn’t hold out any longer!

Reach for Love! Extend my arms with acceptance, with her virtue, the Mother’s tongue wagging a most valid signature bathed in forgiveness!

Let me pray I arrive before the hounds of man’s hell cuts into another’s flesh and bone in search of self; stalking another’s belief instead of my own!

Let me believe with my heart …and my mind!

One, it would stand to reason, cannot subsist without the other, nor can the singular soul rise without the two betrothed, save for the spirit of both.

The spirits that dance across this threshold are not content. They’re miserable because they believe in an angry god; their person not yet living with their spirit, unaccustomed to its demands to Love, to its trust to embody flesh and bone... and spirit!

O! What a joyous day to be alive! Thump thump goes the heart; the soul’s rhythm maker beating out a song for me to hear, for me to heed the exactness in its counsel.

For years I listened to them. I listened to their anguish, their sorrow, their conclusions’ of self, their voices; sadness saturating all of my kind upon a misguided path.

O! Haven’t I done enough to dissuade my most sacred journey from taking my hands and welcoming me into the fold of eternal Life?

O! Joy! O! Laughter! Rise up with the dawn and greet the world with smiling lips and be!

Be in belief! Turn the corner and step on home…

Do not make a covenant of war and genocide (or anything that attempts to separate love and divide kinship) for it is not a pact for me to make, it is hers and hers alone to carve.

Cease this foul use of her love! End the onslaught of discontent. This is heaven, as far as I can tell!

Rise up with a voice trained on peace, with eyes set upon love, a mind stumbling with wonder, guns pointed inward toward the sadness.

My mind is useful when it is at peace, not before or after, but continuously …without the bludgeon of noise.

I didn’t necessarily want this, or so I tell myself from time to time, from moment to moment of witnessing my belief as if it’s sacrosanct, trying to disregard who I am, who I’ve been.

I’ve been you and you’ve been me, and we've been they and they’ve been we. Let me conclude the suffering that’s within my hands to end!

O release my darkness! Fling it to the heavens, that it might look down upon me and witness my stumbling around, that it might gaze upon my bleeding heels clefting within the shadows!

I must descend the mountain’s I’ve made of my thoughts, release them of their bond with agony, this hell and torture!

I am but a man, nothing more, nothing less, begging myself to relinquish war! Retrieve and accept peace and love as the only thing worth struggling for.

I do not know. I simply believe…

© 2011